The Pain of Seeking

(Journal Entry #02)

I feel like I’ve been suffering from the pain of constant seeking lately. It’s felt like my life lost this sense of vibrancy and freshness. Everything I was doing felt desperate and heavy.

Has this ever happened to you?

It took a minute, but I finally realize what was up. I became way too caught up in getting things done and completely lost touch with my presence. My mind was heavily attached to everything that I was doing —constantly thinking about the future and how what I’m doing now is affecting me getting there, constantly thinking about the past and what I could have done differently. 

This passage from “The Power of Now” really brought be back:

“Imagine the Earth devoid of human life, inhibited only by plants and animals. Would it still have a past and a future? Could we still speak of time in any meaningful way? The question “What time is it?” Or What’s the date today?” — if anybody were to ask it — would be quite meaningless. The oak tree or the eagle would be bemused by such a question. “What time?” They would ask. “Well, of course, it’s now. The time is now. What is else there?”

Yes, the mind is important to function in this world but it doesn’t need to take over our entire lives.  My presence doesn’t have to be constantly reduced to the means of getting to some future moment.

It’s great that I’m ambitious but I also need to surrender.

My soul cares way less about what I achieve and is more interested in how I move through it.

You are not everything you identify yourself with. You are awareness. Let joy be the compass.

Thats basically what I’m telling myself at the moment. Hope it helps someone that sees this.